Dating crimes you maybe guilty of
Let’s keep it real, dating can be a slog. It can be hard to connect with people in today’s gamified, distracted dating landscape. For one, it helps if the person you’re talking to is real. A bonus if their photos and witty repartee don’t make you roll your eyes or make an early exit.
Now don’t judge too harshly because you may be part of the problem. I’ll save your eyes a reread because I’m gonna write that again.
You may be part of the problem, without knowing where you’re going wrong. Here are some common dating faux-pas you may be guilty of, and how, with a few small changes, you can get more out of the dating process.
1. You’re probably a catfish or something
It’s easier than ever to misrepresent yourself online, and dating is no exception. Sikhing has selfie verification to help prevent fake or spam photos, but it’s also important for you to think critically about what you post and what your pictures convey about you. When you message with blurry or heavily filtered photos, or an empty bio, the recipient may ask themselves “has this person got something to hide?”, “are they genuine and serious about the process?”.
I know it can feel like a lot of effort to fill your bio with more than a sentence or two, especially if people message clearly not having read your profile. It’s also hard to pin down who you are when for many of us that can change meal to meal. However, a completed profile shows you’ve put in the effort, and signals to potential matches that you’re serious about the dating process. On the flip side, if someone hasn’t done this, they’ve likely saved you a lot of time.
If you have writer’s block, physically struggle with writing, or just want a second opinion, consider asking a friend for help reviewing your Sikhing dating profile.
You can upload 6 photos on your Sikh dating profile; this is a great way to show potential matches different aspects of who you are and let your personality really shine through. Be sure to include clear pictures that show you – avoid sunglasses and lots of group photos.
You can also add prompts to your profile to help potential matches get a better insight into you and these are great for conversation starters when you match with someone – it gives them something to talk about.
2. You’re making prospective & early dates uncomfortable
Try to see your date’s perspective. If you don’t talk, or don’t have any information on your profile, they have nothing to maintain the conversation with. People can be reserved, especially in the early stages.
To work on this, try to remember that awkward moments can and do happen – but they can be salvaged by staying calm and attempting to move on. You don’t need to be all things to all people to deserve (and be in) a loving relationship.
Social awkwardness, and bad digital etiquette, can sink early dating like a lead balloon. Thankfully, meaningful connections are built over time, and the previous section holds simple steps to slowly improve your dating profile.
3. You’re trying to rush things
Ask yourself this question: “Am I coming on too strong?” The upside is you’re clearly interested in the people you date, but couples often decide on relational milestones at different times. Earnestness and eagerness are good but aren’t always taken or expressed the right way. Attempting to rush a relationship can also come from unmet needs or an idealised view of romantic love.
If we run away with our feelings and desires, we exclude our prospective partners from contributing to the relationship we actually wish to build. It also prevents us from taking a holistic view of the dynamics and compatibility between you and your prospective partner. Relationships need mutuality, communication, and periods of space.
4. You need to check your bias
Would you consider someone of a different background? Of a different caste? If they wear a turban? If they live more than 50 miles away?
If you just answered no, you have removed an entire group from your potential dating pool. Proximity can be a major weight in whether a relationship succeeds- in a smaller or less diverse local area this can be disastrous to your romantic plans.
It’s important to remember that love is blind and that our faith will be tested by the pressures of the time. Closing your heart to a group of people robs you the chance of getting to know its individuals.
5. Your actions don’t match your intent
Dating is a numbers game. You need to message people, reply to people and be open to connecting with new people. You need to do this knowing that these conversations may fail, that many progressing to dates may fail as well, and also that your eventual partner will never be perfect.
We all have a list of things we are looking for in an ideal partner, but it is also important to be super clear on what is a must-have and what is a deal-breaker.
It is easy to be cynical of dating apps; However, dating apps remain a wonderful, customisable tool to find partners by location and a range of compatible personal attributes. No dating app, no matter how slick the marketing can promise you a partner. Especially if you’re not actively seeking.
Be it in a physical or virtual setting, you can’t make a connection with someone if you don’t reach out to them. You must make an effort and it and at the same time, it must also not be one-sided. This is something that can take time and consistency.
6. You’re a horrible human being!
I’m joking of course! I’m sure you’re a decent human dater who’s just feeling a little bit stuck. I hope these tips have helped but I want to remind you that it can’t all be done in a day and that we’ll never get it right all the time. Some perceived flaws, such as over awkwardness or eagerness, can be very endearing to the right person.
7. Conclusion
Ultimately, the only thing we can control in the dating process, is how we behave. This is something that takes practice, but first, an open mind.
