Great – you connected with an awesome single Sikh on the Sikhing app and things are going well and you want to introduce them to your loved ones.
Introducing a match to loved ones is an affirming step in many couplings. That said, it can be one the most anxiety-inducing stages in any relationship, except maybe parenthood or The Big Day itself.
First off, these anxieties are very human, very normal, and very common to have so please don’t beat yourself up about them and give yourself a hug. The next three questions are normal ones you may be asking yourself right now.
Your loved ones (might) tell you they hate your match, or (maybe) that they think your match’s unworthy but try to remember – they’re just looking out for you! They may see red flags in the relationship that you don’t recognise or accept, and have wisdom to offer from lived experience.
Will they tell me I’ve made the wrong choice of partner?
Our loved ones, well, love us but we forget that they do keep an eye on us. They know how we tick, often better than we know ourselves. The best will also tell us what they think (to our face), whether we like it or not.
However, they don’t have all the facts. It’s impossible to be around someone 24/7 and see all aspects of the relational dynamics. Your loved ones ultimately only have what you tell them to go on before meeting. Even if you mix the good with the bad, loved ones may fill any gaps with assumptions, bias and transference of their own experiences.
Your loved ones can be a trusted outside perspective on your partner – they may be able to see things that you can’t – especially in regards to your physical and emotional health
What does my match think?
You may spend so much time worrying about what your loved ones will think that you completely forget about your potential partner’s perspective. For a mutually satisfactory introduction, and a healthy relational dynamic with your potential partner, their input is paramount.
It’s also important to remember that they may be just as nervous as you.. Inwardly or outwardly, you may be comparing them to ideals from your social group and upbringing. Let them know they don’t have to be someone else, and that you respect them for who they already are.
What if the intro is a disaster
Hopefully it won’t come to this but the worst result is usually passive-aggression. That’s not much better, but I’ll add that people tend to hate confrontation. When a loved one disagrees, they’ll privately make their views known. Then mostly keep schtum (to your partner’s face) and pray you know what you’re doing, all the while preparing a smug ‘I told you so’ for a predicted number of years down the line. (But they do all of this silently, and that may be enough).
Remind the people in your life that you want them all in it and ideally in the same room. Explain why you love each person in that room, and why these are reasons to love and respect each other or at least your wishes.
On the other hand, don’t worry too much. Introductions can be awkward, but people can find a groove with one other after a false start. Your anxiety may feel paralysing but talking about your anxieties will help your partner and loved ones express and resolve theirs.